Friday, November 21, 2008


Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you, He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice, blessed are all who wait on Him. Isaiah 30:17-19

Why can I never remember this? Why never live it? Not to go all "Old Testament", ( not that there's anything wrong with that), but this is something I wish I could beat into myself as I think that's the only way to learn it. I struggle with trust. Trust in God, trust in people. I'm not proud of the fact that I'm 35 yrs old and this is still such a HUGE issue in my life. Maybe it always will be. But, at the very least, I wish I could believe that God LONGS to be gracious to me. Not because He was to be or not even just bc he wants to be, but he LONGS for it. Yet, I still struggle with trusting Him, trusting that He desires so much to be gracious. Why?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


I had one of those days last week. You know, the kind where you just wanna give up and you're convinced the world has conspired against you. Yup, one of those days, or actually two. I remember many years ago when I lived in Russia I felt I was having one of those lives. I had gone for many, many, many weeks without hot water, or at least without having it consistently. This gets really old after a while, when all I wanted to do was jump in a hot shower. I remember one particularly bad day during the week of the infamous day camps. ( I hated day camps, but that's a whole other story) I was riding the trolly back to my apartment and it was crowded as usual, the 5:00 rush. I had a very heavy bag that day and this very kind, older Russian gentleman offered to hold my bag on his lap for me. I bursted out in tears at this. It was the breadcrumb I needed, just to know that the world wasn't against me. When I was in college, my third year, we were having a particulary harsh winter with very little sunshine. One February day, the sun came out and the temperature rose to just above freezing, it was delightful. My friend Marsha and I named this day "The Day God Gave Us". I think of that day often. Fast foward to this past Friday. I was so tired, Lia was so tired, a tired 2 year old is akin to pergutory itself and I was fully there. I was out of gas, so after filling up I went inside for a much needed coffee. For whatever reason, the very kind employee did not charge me for the coffee. Happy Halloween he said. A very small gesture, but a very needed glimpse of hope and light for me. Someone just being so kind, so generous, he probably didn't even think twice about it, but it truly made my day, more then most things do. Some people may think God is too busy with all the craziness of this world to care much about our personal needs, our exhaustion with our children or just our frustration with the weather. I think God always is looking for ways to renew our hope, to remind us He loves us and He is always there for I can only pray that as much as I'm on the receiving end of this hope, these breadcrumbs, these glimmers of a remnant, that He'll also be able to use me to encourage others and be that glimmer for someone who needs it.