Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Pregnancy and me

I can't believe how long it's been since I blogged. Not that the world has missed me, though :) I'm sitting here in my house (yes, MY house...or the banks, but either way it's warm, cozy and spacious and I LOVE it) wondering how in the world I'm about to have a baby. Quite honestly, I never thought I would be 38 and pregnant. I've really struggled with this pregnancy. It's been smooth sailing physically, other than the usual heartburn, insomnia, constant nausea and other misc aches and pains, it's really nothing to complain about. Mentally and emotionally it's been a whole other story. Most of my friends are done having kids, some even have teenagers. Everyone has moved on in their life and we're kind of starting over again. I don't really have any family locally to help out with physical/childcare things, so it scares me all over again about being alone. My husband still has no job and I"m exhausted having worked full time for the last 2 years. My sweet daughter has started school and is growing so fast, what if I miss her growing up? And, am I ready to change diapers, bottle feed and stay up all night again? I haven't quite felt this scared and alone....maybe ever.

On the flip side of that, I often sit and am in complete awe at how good God has been to us. How this miracle baby will change our lives and our family and how much I want him and love him already. I hope he will know that. I truly believe he is God's gift to us, a reminder that we are not forgotten or forsaken no matter how we might feel. We're not the normal family that just decide "hey, let's have a baby", then boom, it happens. But that explanation I'll save for another day.....