Sunday, August 2, 2009

Sorting it out

I haven't been blogging in a while. I can site many reasons, but basically I've been in a rut. The spring was a hard one, kinda set me back on my heels quite a bit. Many of you know that we moved to Canada from South Georgia this past September, 2008. Wow, what an adjustment. Although I'm from here, I've been gone for 10 years, living in Kentucky for three and South Georgia for seven years. It's amazing how expensive it is to live in Canada. Not just that the prices are high, but did you know that you need 2 sets of tires for each car you own? Did you know it's law that you have your car inspected each year? Did you know that you need a winter coat, boots, hats, blankets, socks, sweaters, mittens, gloves, de-icer for the car, shovels, scarves, car scraper, and salt for the sidewalk? Well, of course you knew that, it is Canada after all, right? But, unfortunately none of these bulky, yet necessary items are free, so it's a big investment to live here, because there are actually 4 seasons that require many things just for basic functionality. South Georgia has one season....hot! But, I digress....

Many of you know the job we moved here for is no longer the reason we are here. It was a tough 9 months for my husband as principal of a small Christian School, but we believed and still believe that it was God who brought us here. I have mixed feelings about how things have unfolded. I don't doubt for a second that it WAS God who brought us here, not a second. I'm also mostly happy that my husband doesn't have to go back to such a difficult situation again this year, I'm actually relieved. But, I am scared that neither of us have jobs. This is a scary place to be with a family. I have to believe that God has a plan, but I struggle with that. I guess that's the point of my post right now.

The last two years have been somewhat of a freefall. It will be two years this August since I lost my father. It seems since then one huge thing after another has happened. Job loss, moving to another country, more job loss, debt from moving to another country etc. It has really tested my faith. I have really wondered if God loves me. Well, I guess I know He loves me, but I often assume He loves those who make the decisions that so strongly affect our lives more. For many reasons, first of all, there are more of them and they all wear suits and read the KJV of the Bible, so they must have an edge, right? They must always be right? They tell others what church is the "right" one and what church is the "wrong" one, they approve of using only the organ on Sunday morning, they state what they are instead of living it, and they have church foyers that would make any museum proud, the projects can be seen from the window of the sanctuary, yet the people are fenced out of the church. So with all these things, of course they have the edge on knowing the will of God, right? That's where I'm stuck. I don't like being stuck there, but I am. I hope to move on soon, but I can't help but feel wondering what God's plan is and if He remembers my little family......

3 comments:

Lysana said...

Love ya, Jill. He does care about you and your family, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. We'll be praying for all of you!

Mary Heiss said...

I love you, too, Jilly! God DOES love you. He loves that you and Jody are such wonderful parents, too! I'm praying for you guys!

Amie Vaughan said...

i'm having the same trouble, jill, between what i 'know' and what i 'feel'. i'll pray for you when i pray for me about it, as well.